


progression

by ivelostmyspectacles



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Character Study, Gender Dysphoria, Trans Jonah Magnus, Trans Male Character, Transitioning, gender euphoria
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-09
Updated: 2020-11-09
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:13:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27471025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ivelostmyspectacles/pseuds/ivelostmyspectacles
Summary: Beholding says his bodies are unextraordinary men, plain. Inconsequential, just another step to the Watcher’s Crown.Maybe it’s true, but Jonah feels anything but.Jonah transitions; the Beholding helps.
Comments: 11
Kudos: 46





	progression

**Author's Note:**

> heads up: there's very brief mention of genitalia using feminine terms (cunt) as Jonah reminisces

_They know._

_They know._

It keeps him up at night, the irrationality of it all. It’s a nagging sensation, to be seen, to be watched, to feel like all of his secrets are laid bare. He knows that they’re not; there’s no way they could be. He is purposefully distanced enough to keep it that way; when he isn’t, he’s careful. 

Jonah has been careful most of his adult life.

From his hair to his chest, to the intonation of his voice– there are precious few things that he had been blessed with as a child, but manipulation had always been among them. Just enough to keep his secret, feed his lie. Difficult, but not impossible.

_They know._

_They know._

He drags his nails along his skin, and prays to the gods that they don’t.

  
  


The Beholding gives him power. More than that, it gives him knowledge. But even still, old habits die hard.

_They know._

They _don’t,_ he assures himself, and knows he is correct.

It’s not something he can dismiss at the drop of a hat, but The Beholding helps. The fear is more distant now, and will be eradicated in time.

The Beholding promises him that. Jonah falls into it, willing.

  
  


Moving into the body of a man is liberating.

Make no mistake, Jonah has been content for quite some time. Even a little less strict, under the Watcher’s careful eye. He has never doubted who he is, even if he had doubted his strength of mind to weather it. But that had been before Beholding. Things had been different when he’d felt the fear.

And now, he takes what is his– what should have been his, and it feels like rapture. There is no care to take with binding, there are no meticulous haircuts to be had. His voice is deep for the first time in his life. He can run his hands along his body and explore his just deserts. He feels like he’s in his own skin, properly Jonah now. 

In retrospect, it’s a shock another Entity hadn’t taken him, but no. He is Jonah, and he is to be beheld.

  
  


The turn of the century– amongst other things– makes him bold. He socializes. He has sex with strangers. Gone are the uncomfortable days of self-pleasure, nights spent with candles extinguished, fingers buried deep in his cunt, and Jonah wonders how Barnaby– dear, sweet Barnaby, who had been accepting but never _truly_ understood, trying to cling to the science of the thing– would like him now. Would he be as accepting? Moreso?

In the end, like most things, it doesn’t matter.

He only has to worry about himself. And, these days, worry isn’t an emotion Jonah feels much at all anymore.

  
  


He doesn’t go back. Of course he doesn’t. The world is his for the taking– any body is his for the taking. He makes his choices well and sticks with them until necessity forces him on. The Beholding says his bodies are unextraordinary men, plain. Inconsequential, just another step to the Watcher’s Crown.

Maybe it’s true, but Jonah feels anything but.

Things are falling into place. One day, he’ll be at the top of the world.

  
  


The world changes. It isn’t perfect, oh, not by far. But it changes nonetheless, and Jonah watches as it does.

There are surgeries and hormone therapies. (What he would have given.) Women ease into the workplace. (He oversees Gertrude with both annoyance and pride.) Even his archives unknowingly welcomes a transgender employee. (There might have been kinship, once, but Jonah knows that they will all die in the end. His hard-won plans will reach fruition.)

He waits, and watches.

  
  


The second best decision of his life was appointing Jonathan Sims. The man runs rampant, and it is _easy_ to start the Watcher’s Crown. After everything, it is easy.

_Finally, finally._

Jon will come to him, Jonah knows. He’s on his way now, scared, angry, determined. Powerful. More powerful than Jonah had expected, but that’s okay. He isn’t scared. He hasn’t been for some time.

He is eager, though. Jon will be there soon, and he waits patiently for that time.

He is due for a new body, and Jon– dedicated, strong, scarred, beautiful _Beholding_ Jon– will be his newest, perfect host.

**Author's Note:**

> inspired entirely by [this one fanart I saw awhile back ](https://twitter.com/osheets_/status/1247907077013422081)I had like two lines in my head of how I wanted this to go so I ended up spitting out a lil character study. Jonah going from calculated and careful to no fucks given, pleased with the power Beholding gives him but also because he is finally Himself and no one is ever going to take that away again, _hell yeah_


End file.
